Friday, September 3, 2010

sometimes i think too much...

its been too long and for that i am truly sorry. but not really because i am pretty sure there are maybe 5 people that would read this...if that. so screw grammar and screw everything else...this is a mind vomit.
something that has been on my mind for a while was triggered the first time when my bus started going past a funeral home. its always gone past it but i had never noticed how busy it was before until a few weeks ago.
now im not sure if i just wasnt paying attention or if it really is that more people are dying.
good on the funeral home for more business.
anyway. it made me think...i dont know how to feel in relation to this funeral home!
sometimes there literally hundreds of people at a funeral at one time. this makes me happy because it means the person who has unfortunately passed on had many people who loved and cared about them and wanted to pay respects. it also makes me sad, because essentially that is how you are meant to feel at a funeral. that person is gone forever and now all these people are sad in one big room full of sad people. that makes me sad.

sometimes there are not as many people at a funeral. and it makes me wonder why. was this person not so liked? maybe they wernt from here. maybe most of the people they knew have already died. maybe it was their wish that it bbe a private affair for select family and friends. it makes me wonder if they are looking down at their funeral and are sad because not many people cared.

this all made me think about my funeral. morbid i know but hey i think what i like ok? shut it!
and i came to the conclusion that i dont really know what i want. i dont want a big room full of sad people. it seems kind of pretentious to assume people will be sad that im gone...a girl can only hope. anyway.. i would like more for my friends and family or anyone who feels the need to come and instead of be sad im gone, to sit around and celebrate the life ive had, hoping its been a full and good one. id like the people i left behind to enjoy good food and good music and be happy that at least i got to have a life.
i hope i lead the kind of life that people can reflect on my relationship with them and go hey! my life was at least a tiny bit brighter and better because i knew her.
i would much prefer to look down and see people having fun then sitting around crying. of course ill be a little pissed if people arnt sad that im not there anymore. but i have a tendency to feel my friends and families emotions with them, so when they hurt i do too. i dont want to be dead and still hurt ya know.
and anyway suck it coz ill be happy in a way better place than this hole.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


so yeah i dont seem to post very often...keeping this interesting is more pressure than i first thought haha.

i blog more in my mind than i actually do.. like generally on the bus i think of the crappest things and write it out in my mind...but it never makes it here. im not sure why. maybe im just selfish and only want to share my amazing and deep insights with myself and not the like 3 people who actually read this.
although im pretty sure its just out of laziness.

so here are some average things that have been happening lately.
i bought a new fone last night. its ok. doesnt have much memory which is gay. maybe i can change that? i duno.
it slides which is fun.

me and my friend ben are having a eurovision party tonight. and by that i mean i am going to his house to watch eurovision haha. and we are going to eat "foreign" food. which will prob just turn out to be pizza...or maccas ahah.

umm what else..... i want to go to melb.

it is cold. i wasnt feeling it as much when it first started but now i am. i get very cold. im not sure why this is maybe im dying.

here is a predicament i am in. itnes wasnt working. so i fixed it. apparently it was some quicktime problem. so i downloaded the new quicktime or some crap and installed it. all was fine.
the next day neither were working. help?

i have fish. i thought they were tadpoles

it's not easy being green.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

if you don't like it you can shove it. but you don't like it, you love it.

So i went to melbourne over the easter weekend. from thursday to wednesday to be exact.
i love melbourne and the people there. i stayed with my good friend amelia. i met her and another melbournian tanyth earlier this year and they are basically two of the greatest people ive ever met. you know when u met people and they change ur life, like there's life before u met them and then after and ur much better off meeting those people....? well...thats them..for me. *vomits* lol
ANYWAY so easter weekend. lots of ysa's from adel were heading over to melb also for easter comp..a basketball competition..thats not why i went tho..not such a fan of sports.
i arrived thursday morning and hung out with amelia til that night when we headed to institute which was good times...then we picked up ellen! that night we saw 17 again with ellen amelia kellie tanyth brent glenn and other randoms i dont remember. basically loved it. zac efron is my lover, just incase you wernt aware. unfortunatly i fell ill during it lol sad times.
friday we woke up to the boys arrival. by the boys i mean matt and richo who were also staying with amelia. that day we were off to the basketball..turns out we got there as it was finishing..not that i cared! i got to catch up with friends from melbs that i hadnt seen in ages and also see friends from adel..good times. levi was there and decided to stay with us at amelias whic proved for hilarious times.
that day was emma fell's birthday so that night we went out for dinner with a bunch of people. pretty much love that girl and we got her an amazing present...which she never got to fully enjoy...maybe next time ;)
after that we headed to the dance..with like half an hour to go..didnt feel like dancing til i heard the music then pulled out my amazing moves. RIVERSIDE MOTHERTRUCKER! lets just say adelaide crew got its dance on. turns out jai ho is easily turned into JFO! cooooooool.
after sweaty times it was back to emma fell's for sleepover times.
psychologist went well. thats all we'll say about that one.
there was no sleeping..except ellen who evidentally got hot during the night. and richo who was actually just pretending to sleep so he could stay with the girls. no pants i should add.
random boy noone invited took pictures of us in the morning which was nice.
for those plying at home it was now saturday and we ventured home for showers and returned to the basketball..whoch is amazing to watch deliriously tired. my favourite part was the small child provocativly dancing.
that night was a party. there was a fire. (controlled in a pit obviously) it stank. but i do like to watch fire.
MOVING ON TO SUNDAY. the sabbath. church day. it was general conf and it was amazing. intense. and made me cry. good one. amelias mum packed us an awesome lunch for between sessions. mmm perinaise.
that night people came over tanyth emma fell elise whitney and brent. we sat around n talked smack. christina was everpresent. had yet another amazing game of psychologist. later decided that a trip to krispy kreme and dandenongs (much to emma and elises delight) was in order. i think key words would describe the epic krispy kreme adventure better than a few hundred paragraphs.
-hot chocolate
-no grip
-bruises and gashes

then we ventured to the dandenongs minus tanyth.
it wasnt a full moon so luckily no devil worshippers.
thongs were a bad choice. but blankets were an amazing choice.
the boys took great pleasure in capitalising on us girls great fear.
we reached our viewing point and the scene was amazing. we sat and took it in for a while before heading back home.
there was nothing suspect but we got pulled over anyway. turns out ur not allowed 4 people in the back seat these days even if 3 are wearing a seatbelt. also it became apparent that police officers dont think theres much to do in the dandenongs at night... but looking will suffice.
we're from adelaide.
there are 32 km's from there to amelias. cops like krispy kremes.
emma fell and elise thought we were going to jail however there was no time to stop and reassure them as it could have come across sussssssss.
when we got home ellen and glenn were up and ellen was tired drunk. good times.
next day slash that afternoon the boys were setting off back to the land of rad...with no convoy. because they decidd to shove it.
that arvo we set off for a good old dfo..i love my new jumper. it was $35. half price ftw. and im glad it didnt fit ellen hahaha. psychologist! but not really.
me amelia glenn and ellen decided to have a night in so we stocked up on cheese ,dip and crackers. good choice. i can now say ive experienced 7 brides for 7 brothers...possily the highlight of the trip...hmmm. we also enjoyed a cross between cyote ugly and save the last dance...unfortunatly i forget what it was was that amazing. or maybe im upset because of how bad i was...?
next morning TUESDAY we awoke to take ellen to the airport at 5am. good times. that afternoon me amelia and cint saw 17 again..again. STILL AMAZING. *note- if ur a mum taking ur small children to the movies please refrain from taking photographs of them in the cinema before, during and after said movie.
that amelia tanyth kellie emma fell elise glenn and brent and myself went to..umm...switch i think it was called for desserts. it was cool there. i had an amazing mocktail which was way better than glenns. there was amazing music playing which glenn managed to aquire a cd of with his good looks, wit and charm.
it was home time. and a parting from me for most. hugs exchanged. promises of more visits. etc.
then bed.
next morning at 5am it was time to depart my beloved melbourne.
sad times.
now im home.

epic weekend over.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Duality of Light

So my first assignment at uni for professional practice is to write an easy 700 word exhibition review. i chose to do mine in the form of a blog so here it is.

Duality of Light is the collective name of an exhibition by Lynette Wallworth which is being shown at the Samstag Museum of Art.
The exhibition contaions various works by Lynette, who has a strong background in photography and eventually evolved into moving images and these elements are the basis of Duality of Light.
When first walking into the large space, at the far end are 3 screens which is the work Damound Mountains. Lynette has used moving images that go at a really slow pace, the mountain stays still but the cloud cover on each screen alters the picture in a different way. Further on a woman in some sort of sheet is in the image and as the wind blows the sheet the image is once again altered by the conditions of the weather. I'm not sure exactly what the artist was trying to portray but what i got out of it was a message about sometimes things are out of our control but even so there is a beauty found in that. I also thought the images where quite sophisticated in a technical way.
The same can be said for Beautiful Sunset, which is a beautiful image of a bunch of trees. At first it appears to just be a single photo, but as you sit and watch you notice the colours and shadows change. The whole thing goes for 40 minutes and shows the changes and effects sunset has on the environment. The colours are striking and as you watch you are absorbed into her work.

The main work of the exhibition is Duality of Light. Where one person at a time enters a dark corridor. As you walk down the corridor an image of yourself is projected at the end. It's quite a strange thing to watch yourself walking towards yourself, i didn't know where to look, which showed up on the image. The whole thing is quite confronting, then you unexpectedly explode into an arragements of flying lines of white and grey.

Upstairs another of Lynettes' work is Hold Vessel 2 was one I really liked. You are asked to take a glass bowl into a dark room where projectors point down from the roof. You hold the bowl under the projector light and watch snippets of different moving images. Things like stars and galaxies, then it changes to microscope images of bugs and things wriggling around. There were also sea scapes, fishes and seals swimming around. The concept reminded me of the video tape in the movie "The Ring". I liked this work but it also made me feel uncomfortable. The combination of the dark room, the creepy images and the background music made for a confronting work.

The final work I viewed in the exhibition was titled Invisible by Night. This was by far the strangest and creepiest art I have ever seen. It's the kind of thing that is so far from anything you would normally see and it, for me, seemed psychologically damaging. Like a nightmare. It is a full length screen, which appears frosted over. Activated by touch, a lady appears behind the frost and wipes lines across the glass at her eye level revealing only her eyes which look not directly at you, but past you. The other hand rests on the glass at hip level. Her hands then wipe down the screen leaving behind the trace of finger tips, at which point she turns and walks away.
It was freaking weird and creepy but at the same time makes you wonder what is going on, why is she there? Where is she? What is she doing? etc.

All in all I found Duality of Light to be a pretty confronting exhibition, the point behind all the works isn't clear but I think that's part of the experience. It all adds to the feeling of out of control, uncomfortableness, and it really makes you think hard and take what YOU get out of it, and i think that's what good art should do. Experience and grow.

ps Amelia has contact lenses.

Friday, March 6, 2009


so, here i am again. i have abused and forgotton about my blog but i decided to start it up again. mostly for art photos of my stuff and just talking about crap in general.
so ive started uni again for the year. it's all pretty exciting and i cant wait to get into it all again. it's just going to be expensive which is the only problem. so basically incase you don't know i am doing black and white photography, alternative drawing, and painting.
painting costs the most because oils paints are pretty expensive for quality and same with paper. you can get canvas' pretty cheap though. photography can get expensive beacuse i use cameras that take film costs build up, and photographic paper can be costly depending on size.
but it's all worth it i guess!
the other class i have which is theroy i thiught i was going to hate. but it's actually amazing and really helpful. it's called professional practice and is there to teach us and help us make decisions about our different career pathways. so many people in my course want to do different things.
i'm pretty sure once i've graduated i want to eventually open a studio gallery where i can work and exhibit. possibly slash hopefully in melbourne.

anyway.. umm i got a job..finally. i think many people didn't think they'd see the day but here it is! it'll be good to have money so i can buy all my art stuff and also go to melbourne more often..yay!

that is all for now..


Thursday, June 26, 2008

some wise words fomr the past


You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You're going through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du
Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du
Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows

(Repeat Chorus)

In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
In an mmm bop they're gone.
In an mmm bop they're not there.
Until you lose your hair. But you don't care.

(Repeat Chorus)

Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose?
Can you tell me which flower's going to grow?
Can you tell me? You say you can but you don't know.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

first blog evuhhhhh is my first blog on this thing. After much convincing from a good friend i decided to set this up. i am not expecting many readers, in return you should not except good grammer or spelling along with crazy long winded rants.

so...what to blog about first. this could potentially be a first impression type thing which could influence whether you, the reader, continues to view my blogs.. so it should probably contain wit, personal experiences and some level of depth.
well screw that.

i thought i would add this..umm..stuff that i wrote which i put on my myspace blog..hope you enjoy.

what is beauty? predominantly it is defined by the individual. what's beautiful to me may not be beautiful to you.
beauty-both in people and objects or nature- is more than just an outward appearance. it runs deep. a beautiful person doesnt necessarily have to be physically attractive. a beautiful plant doesnt necessarily have to have the biggest or most colourful petals.
something is beautiful when it takes your breath away, when your heart skips a beat. beauty is very much connected to emotion. emotion is feeling. the feeling you get when you see the person you love or hear that persons voice, this is beautiful and that person is beautiful to you no matter what they look like.
beauty is forever changing. models that are considered beautiful today were not considered beautiful 200 years ago. different cultures have different perceptions of what beauty is.
beauty inspires.
popular mainstream media mainly defines for the uninformed and easily influence, what beauty is. for many, beauty is perfection. to me perfection is not achievable. in other words, perfection cannot happen in this life- only in the end. thus perfection being the end. beauty doesnt have an end. beauty goes on forever, changing and taking various forms, but still remaining beauty.
thoughts, creativity, intellignce. this is beauty. the inability to think, feel or choose for oneself is not beautiful.
beauty is opposition. complete harmony or complete anarchy is not beauty, there must be controlled chaos in which people have the freedom to state their own ideas and opinions. without this, progression cant be made. complete harmony or anarchy is conformity, this is boring and ugly.
beauty is TRUTH, love, happiness that comes from self achievement.
beauty radiates and is infectious.
beauty must come from within and from self exploration. to find out where one fits in the world, in society, to discover the wholeness of ones persona is beauty. this cannot be forced upon a person.
everything and everyone is different, thus beauty is different. it is individual, unique. to discover and accept ones own uniqueness, to capture and use, to exercise this uniqueness and share it with mankind; this is beauty.
creativity from within, new ideas and concepts, the ability to not be scared by the limitless potential within; this is beautiful.
beauty cannot be defined in a general matter for each and every person, animal, object or all or nature to abide by.
beauty is what the eye of the beholder sees.
beauty is beauty

beauty is beautiful
mmmm so i wrote that sometime last year while sitting trying to think of somethign to do for art. now i am doing visual arts at uniSA and my whole perception on what art is, should be, and can be, has completely changed. my mind has been opened to whole new possibilities of creativness. i wish i could spend all my time just being creative and experimenting with stuff but alas life goes on. but i have found this new way of looking at the world. seeing art and beauty in some of the most mundane happenings and objects. at risk of sounding corny, the world is one big canvas and art is happening all around us.
life can suck..take it from me, i know. but life can also be amazing..beautiful..and so fantastic..i think its just theway we choose to look at things. just like when two people lok at the same piece of art they may see two completely different things, this is because they are viewing it through kind of like a veil of their own life experiences. i guess thats how we view life aswell. but we have a choice, we can see the crap..or the beauty.
rant over.
peace out